01. She is a junior at Acacia Grove High School.02. She has no plans for college, and doesn’t really want to think about it.

03. She has an amazing super power.

04. Her favorite band of all time is Madonna Pentameter.

05. Her super power allows her to sense whenever she or someone around her is in danger. For instance: if she was walking down the street and a piano was about to fall on her head, her super power would alert her to this fact, and she would jump safely out of harm’s way.

06. Except it doesn’t always work like that, because she also has a curse. She is cursed with a terrible case of hypochondria.

07. Her super power and her curse tend to cancel each other out.

08. One time she was walking to a friend’s house for a party. She had a huge crush on a boy who was going to be there, and she wore her cutest outfit in the hopes of winning his affection. Just as she was about to ring the doorbell, she was overcome with a feeling of dread. I can’t go in there, she thought. Something horrible will happen to me if I go in there. I have a piece of spinach caught in my teeth. I have spinach and broccoli and oreos in my teeth and if I go in there everyone will make fun of me and I will never have friends ever again. And with that, she turned and ran home.

09. Trish did not have spinach caught in her teeth. She hadn’t eaten spinach in months, actually, but her hypochondria was such that it usually overcame all sense of reason. Even so, when she got home, she furiously brushed her teeth for 15 minutes.

10. While she was brushing her teeth, her friend’s house blew up.

11. She lives alone with her mom. Her dad is not in the picture and that is all she knows and cares to know about him.

12. She recently went to Club Worship to see two bands play: Aguilera Film Debut and Sharif Don’t Like It.

13. She was in the bathroom, making out with the guitarist from Zero Percent Fancy, when her super powers began warning her that she was in trouble. Oh my god, she thought. I should not be making out with this guy I barely know. Who knows what kinds of infectious diseases he might have. She made up an excuse and got out of there as quickly as possible.

14. When she got home she gargled with Listerine for 15 minutes to kill any carpetbagger bacteria that may have been lurking in her mouth. Then she showered, furiously scrubbing all the areas where the guitarist’s dirty hands may have come into contact with her skin. Then she burned the outfit she had worn that night.

15. She had not in fact been in any danger of catching a mouth-borne virus from the guitarist. Her super power had just been trying to warn her that it was a bad idea to get involved with a musician, as they tend to be flaky, and are terrible at returning phone calls. He would have broken her heart eventually.

16. She hates all of her teachers and all but 6 other students at her school.

17. She does not know she has a super power.

18. She does not know she has a curse.

19. She does not know there are invisible contradictory forces protecting her, every single second of the day.

20. If asked what makes her different from other people, she would have responded: I actually use my brain.